Last summer, during a super awesome awareness
weekend workshop (The Power of Awareness) I
made an agreement with myself.
That I wasn’t ready to move to NY.
That if I did move to NY, it would only be to
prove that I can get a job at a magazine.
That I didn’t need NY to be successful.
Because all of the success that I could ever
have is already inside of me, not in a city
and not in a job.
Finally, I made the decision that I didn’t deserve
NY until I could launch and make lucrative my
own business.
You see, I’ve loved NY for as long as I can
remember. My mother is from Queens, and
I’ve always been told I have a NY way about me.
I walk fast everywhere. Always seem like I’m
in a rush. Am super busy, confident and driven.
I can maneuver a busy sidewalk like no
body’s business, and I know the subway like the
back of my hand.
I once dated a guy in Williamsburg, Brooklyn for
a summer. I’ve taken ballet class next to
company members at Alvin Ailey, been accepted
in to the Alvin Ailey school, taken class at all of
the famous dance studios in the city.
When I made that agreement about NY, I silenced myself.
My voice has been totally freaking weak.
Sometimes it makes me cry to think about how
much time I spend hating myself. That I spend
so much time talking myself out of my dreams,
convincing myself I just don’t deserve them.
For no reason.
I’m never truly kind to myself. I make agreements
with myself that make me hide my own wings.
And what makes me even sadder is, that if I’m
doing it, other women are probably doing it too.
Well, I’m taking my voice back.
Starting this weekend. I’m grabbing my laptop
and one suitcase and I’m moving to the big apple.
Do you ever talk yourself out of your dreams
or hate yourself for no reason?
I’d love to hear about your story. I promise I won’t
judge; I’ve certainly got no reason to.
P.S. stay tuned for a whole new series of My Voice is
Strong on the road…
Elizabeth
1 year ago
Wow! Your blog posting totally speaks to me. I don’t know if my voice has been weak, but I do think I may have been listening to the wrong voice. I’ve always wanted to entertain. Which I do as a writer, but really I want to be out there in front of people. Not behind a laptop. So now it’s time to get past the laptop and really put some effort into the live entertainment portion of my work. Sure, it might take a while but thanks for reminding me that I need to listen to the daring, brave (and sometimes scared) voices that are truly passionate.
Bethany
1 year ago
GET IT GIRL!!! I already bought the first 10 tix to your next show! Ditch the laptop. Can’t wait to see your next performance!
Veronica
1 year ago
Your post made me cry. I have so many dreams that I want to live out but I feel completely trapped. I have so many voices in my head and in my heart that I don’t know which to listen to! How I envy you and your life of freedom.
Rose Marie Smith
1 year ago
GOOD FOR YOU!! I think one of the greatest lessons we can learn IS not to hate ourselves because of choices, mistakes or experiences and GOOD FOR YOU to understand that at this EARLY time in your life. Sadly, too many times we take longer to “get it”, sometimes because of our age, how we were brought up, people who influenced us (or no one there to guide us for whatever reason)or just because we think we CAN do it on our own, the voices and women within us does get lost, or we go down the wrong path and even sadder, sometimes we NEVER surface sooo it is soooo refreshing to read your story and know that you are going for your dreams….afterall whether it is good or bad is not the most important issue but….the worst mistake would be NOT TO TRY….especially knowing you have soo many who do CARE and will be there if you need them! However, I, for one, just from reading your blogs, seeing your picture and hearing your voice and about you from a VERY GOOD SOURCE believe you WILL JUST BE SUPER SUCCESSFUL at whatever you go for!! So best of luck and many special prayers for your future and goals of becoming a reality!!! Thank you for sharing your blog…!!!
Bethany
1 year ago
Veronica, I TOTALLY know how you feel. I’ve felt that way for the past year. And felt that way while I was in HS and in college. The biggest thing that I’ve learned is that I’m a prisoner of my mind, and even if I don’t know how to talk myself out of my prison, the best thing I can do is to just be aware of my mind made prison. Then I guess, it’s just a matter of jumping. My fave quote right now:
“Being Fearless isn’t being 100% unafraid; it’s being terrified, but you jump anyway.” Taylor Swift
Rose Marie, You are TOOO sweet! Thank you for all of your kind comments and sweet encouragement. Everyone on MVIS should have a woman like RM in there life
amber
1 year ago
I’m soo excited for you!! I wish you well on your journey..you have always been strong(with all those brothers you had to be haha)I know you’ll make it! I miss you and love you!
KayCie
1 year ago
OM to the GGGGGGG!!!! I’m soooooooo excited for you!!!! That’s seriously the best news I’ve heard all day! Yea!!!! If you run in to Carrier Bradshaw tell her I want my blue shoes back LOL.
To respond to your story, I can completely relate. All my life all I’ve wanted to do is sing, but I’m too chicken to audition for anything. I’m too scared to try. I’m too scared to fail. I’ve auditioned only twice for plays since high school, which was 7 years ago! It’s hard facing your fears head on and trying to take them on. If I do, I know I will have a nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me I’m going to fail (I’m a born pessimist). I try to take your approach though. If anything, you have taught me that dreams aren’t just made up fairytales or stories that make good movies. People really can achieve what they want. You are living proof!
Thanks for all your help Bethy 
I feel strangely empowered. 
Angela
1 year ago
Bethany, I am so proud of you. I made the same choice when I moved to Atlanta from Augusta. Everyone told me that I’d never survive here and I’d be back in Augusta in less than a year. Fourteen years later, here I am with my own business, vying for my own show on Oprah’s new network after appearing on The Food Network, Carolina Kitchen in Asheville and being published multiple times in Atlanta and internationally.
Did I ever hate myself? Yes. I hated myself for years. I wasn’t smart enough to go back to college, so I worked in restaurants and lived dangerously for years. Finally, I woke up with an epiphany at age 23. I WAS smart enough to go to college. I WAS smart enough to study abroad. I WAS good enough to have the life I want. To have people in my life that support my dreams and remind me that I’m amazing and that my voice is strong (like you, as I sit here crying, happy that you are living your dream, but knowing how much I’m going to miss that spunky chick that has been one of my biggest fans and helped me keep a STRONG voice.
Bethany, you’re an inspiration. I know that the internet makes it easy to keep in touch and I can’t complain about an excuse to visit NYC! So while you won’t be around the corner, the girl I was so blessed to meet last fall and have in my life for the last 8 months or so will be just around the pixels, instead. I can’t wait to read your blogs about living in NYC. Again, so proud of you – words aren’t enough.
Elaine
1 year ago
Bethany: You go girl. I lived in NYC for 20 years and it was the best of my life. I want you to reach out to my friend Karen. She is a “healthy” modern dancer in NYC and a very spiritual person. Ya’ll will love each other. Karen’s email is:Kalima Karen Harvey <mobility.karen@gmail.com. Please tell her that I send my love. Elaine (from the Jeffrey fashion show)
Eudora June
1 year ago
Newwww Yorrrrrk. You KNOW I agree with yo on the city. I walk fast but I do everything else fast too. In fact, I get really irritated in the grocery line when people wanna talk to me about how my day was instead of ring up my groceries with speed. Like I got time? I will probably see you on those streets soon girl and when I do I know you’ll be rockin it. I wish you soo so so so much luck. I know you have inspired me and that this is definitely not the end of MVIS and Eudora June’s fab friendship. No doubt in my mind you will leave your mark on that city. Oh and..I’m visiting in July so we should grab a martini. : )
much love girl.
Adrienne
1 year ago
Hi Bethany, I moved by myself for Belfast NI to New York at 22, so no matter what the voices in my head (which I discovered later where my own voice) i knew I had courage, so yes it does not matter where you live or move to it only matters what is inside of you!!
You go Bethany!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bethany
1 year ago
Elaine, Angela, Kaycie, Amber, Adrienne: you are women that I truly look up to and could never have even known that I have wings unless I knew you. Love you!
Jenn
1 year ago
Your blog post was stimutanously an oversized bucket of ice cold water being dumped over me, a hard slap to my heart, and immediately after to my head (because they are usually at extreme ends with each other when it comes to doing what I want verses what I “can” do), mixed with a soaring, elated feeling of hope, adventure and bliss. You are making the absolute right move and I am proud to know you. It is important to never regret – so so so awesome that you are doing this. I will miss your wisdom and guidance. Luckily, I can still get it from the wonders of technology – your blog, phone, email and twitter.
I’ve had key opportunities I’ve said no to because it wasn’t the “smart” move – whose definition of smart, I can’t now say, but I felt like I was making the “grown-up” decision. And now I am that much farther behind on having a strong direction because I never “jumped in” and took the risk. Congratulations. You will LOVE being in New York and your life. Tremendous best wishes, girl.
KayCie
1 year ago
AWWW!!
We love you too!!
Bre Humphries
1 year ago
Bethany, this is awesome. What an inspiration! I’m so glad I got to meet you before you left Atlanta. Good luck “on the road!”
amber
1 year ago
I love you too!!!! I’m sooo glad you’re taking a risk to do what you’ve always wanted to do!I know how scared you probably are I had that same feeling when I joined the army I didn’t think I would ever make it but I took a leap of faith and I made it!It turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made in my life for myself and for my family..It was like it proved to myself that I am strong and I can do anything and I know you will too!!!!love you!!!
Bethany
1 year ago
Hey Bre! Thanks so much for the nice comment. I will def keep you posted. (PS. super glad we finally got to meet after a year of “virtual” friendship
Amber, I know! I was really excited and proud of you when you joined the army and am so happy that it is making you a stronger woman day by day!
Aga Kruk
1 year ago
You and weak? You are on of the strongest people I have ever met.
And I am following you and mY dreams!!
Thanks to you!
Aga Kruk´s last blog ..SoBo & SoBlue